Captain Falcon has finally been executed for his crimes.
You remember Binding of Isaac, right? That little Flash-coded roguelike that became something of a gaming cultural phenomenon? Well, last year it finally clawed its way to pretty much every console, finally overcoming even the harsh Nintendo censors- but it looks like Apple missed the memo.
Last night, Nicalis founder Tyrone Rodriguez tweeted an image from iTunes Connect stating that an iOS port of The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth had been rejected on the grounds that it depicted “violence towards, or abuse of, children,” which apparently is a big no-no on the Apple App Store.
C’mon, wtf… Apple pic.twitter.com/aEygkjqH2b
— Tyrone Rodriguez (@tyronerodriguez) February 7, 2016
Although there hadn’t been any confirmed news about Rebirth coming to iOS, Rodriguez has been tweeting images of the game running on iPhones and iPads over the last couple weeks. Previously at Rebirth’s launch, creator Edmund McMillen mentioned an iOS port might be developed if “it’s not garbage,” but nothing else had been said about it since.
It’s a little disappointing that Isaac has been rejected for a port yet again, but it’s not necessarily surprising. After all, what would we as a society do if a violent game like Isaac got ported to iOS? The App Store is a clean and pure environment, totally free of bloody games like Bioshock or games that terrorize children like Telltale’s The Walking Dead– oh, wait. Never mind. Well, in the meantime, I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and play Isaac on my PC, my 3DS, my Wii U, or my PS4…is there no justice in the world?